Sunday, November 15, 2009

Heart in the Art - An Unlikely Revelation


Back when my son was about 12 years old, I was working a job and for that time, Jason was a latch key kid. I worried about him, but he seemed to prefer coming home and being alone for the hour or two before I arrived. Not too long after this new routine got established, I came across some very good sketches in his room. Among them was a lifelike wooden bucket with a knothole. The texture of the wood grain was perfect. The shape of the bucket was proportional, the detail minute. "Who drew this?" I asked him. "I did," he said. I had a hard time believing that a 12-year-old could draw something so well and he was reluctant to give me any details. Later, I started finding unique cartoon bears who lived on forested islands that floated in the air, the tree roots dangled below. He said he drew them too. After my job ended, I came across a kids TV show where the host was giving drawing lessons on drawing the adorable bears. Jason was picking up on the techniques like a sponge.

Wow, my kid's got some talent here, I thought and I wanted to encourage it. But I found out quickly that he didn't like to be pushed or encouraged on anything he took an interest in. After enrolling him in a summer art class at the junior college for kids that summer, he stopped drawing altogether; stopped for years and nothing I could say would get him to pick up a pencil again. When he finally did, he said he wanted to do it his way. He didn't want to take classes. He liked the medium he drew with and wasn't interested in trying any other. I backed off. He started to draw in charcoal, not on a regular basis but only when he wanted to. Most of what I saw were things that he copied like album covers or popular logos of his favorite rock bands. I would sometimes discover that he had stayed up all night working on a piece in his room. Thankfully it wasn't on a regular basis. However, once in awhile, he would do something that came from deep inside him and it was powerful. Those pieces hit me in the gut; it made me feel something quite emotional inside myself and I would think of what must be going on in his head. It took me a little bit of time after the first shock to understand a little bit of what he was saying, and I began to see a little bit of the inner Jason.

The first piece I remember was a pencil drawing on a piece of 8 1/2 x 11 typing paper. There was no outline of the face, but there were eyes closed. I could see it was his eyes. Hands gripped around a human heart; his hands. Drips of blood squeezed from the heart ran down and dripped from the bottom of it. And then there were the words. Above where the forehead of the face would be was "HATE" and below the droplets of blood formed into "LOVE." It was a statement that was disturbing at first, but the message was clear how hate can destroy love.

I knew that Jason, a teenager by this point, was having some latent anger issues that started when he went from a very safe Christian school environment to public school. He had always been taught to "turn the other cheek" and not to fight. It wasn't tolerated in his other school and any scuffles were dealt with promptly and consistently. There was no question as to what the consequences would be if there were fighting.

The public school was a whole different animal. Here, the principle did not take a firm hand and the teachers felt that they shouldn't be referees. So bullying, particularly by one very disturbed child was the daily norm and Jason was his target. We got him out of there by the second year once it became clear how miserable he was and that nothing would change within the school. But the resentment lingered with Jason. I wondered if this pencil drawing reflected that, but I believe it went a little deeper, perhaps even a little prophetic.

The second piece to hit me like the pencil drawing came later. It was one of those pieces where he stayed up all night to finish and he had it tacked up on the wall above his bed when I went in to wake him up the next morning. At first glance, it was dark and ominous. The charcoal medium helped with that. At the forefront were two hands cupped together holding a flame. In the background was a craggy precipice with juts of overhangs as far as the eye could see. On each of these cliffs were small bond fires and knelt before them facing out into the void were creatures. I couldn't tell what they were. Too much heavy metal rock bands, I thought. I felt uncomfortable with what he drew.

Once he was awake, I asked him about it. He gave me a sly smile and asked what I saw. I looked closer at the detail. The first thing was the hands holding the fire. The smoke coming up from the flame formed into hearts. That was a little unexpected given my first impression. The creatures had wings. "What are these?" I asked. "Angels," he said. Then he quoted me a piece of scripture, I can't remember which one. But basically, the creatures were the seven angles guarding the gates of Hell. Then I understood that the fires represented the love and light of God holding back the evil darkness of Hell.

I don't know where this drawing is now. Jason had been looking for it before he died. But its image is something that I will not soon forget. I think it was prophetic and it answered a question I had been pondering for a very long time understanding the parallel of the coming of Christ and the 10 virgins.

The parallel, Jesus told, goes that these 10 virgins are waiting for their bridegroom. They don't know when He will come. When He does, it's very sudden and at night and the virgins must light their lamps to go with Him. But some of the virgins didn't have oil for their lamps and the ones that did only had enough for themselves. So, I had been asking, what is the oil? I knew it was important in this parallel, but the story didn't really spell it out. The overall message says to stay alert and prepared for the coming of Christ. I think the deeper meaning is that the oil represents love and only through love can you find Him in his second coming. Only with love can you defeat hate and evil. Only with love can the light of God shine to help you through the darkest times. But allowing hate to take you over can snuff out the love. Jesus also warned that the world would go crazy, that hate and evil acts would become so rampant that love can can die out even in the most devout. But those who endure keeping the light of love intact will survive these times. All the art Jason did that came from inside him, it always seemed to be about the battle between love and hate. Intentional or not, his art gave me a new understanding and perspective. This is the one precious gift he left me.

No comments: